Hope

 

Hope skipped down the path, twirling the rope at each step; over her head, down in front, hop over, up behind and back over her head. Skip, skip, skip. Her plaits swinging in time to her movements.

She knew, or hoped, her mother was following as they headed towards the park. She dared not glance back, because she would lose her rhythm, and she was about to reach 100 without stopping.

Reaching the end of the path, where it opened out into the wide grass stretches of the park, she stopped with a smile. 112. Best ever non stop skipping. She glanced back to smile at mummy, hoping that she had been watching such an extraordinary feat. The best ever.

Mummy had not been watching, but was sauntering along, smart phone in front, tapping a reply to one or other of her 'friends – at least that is what they were called – although they only seemed to live in the phone, all the time, so they were not the sort of friends you could have round for tea.

Mummy had told Hope off for talking to her imaginary friends. “Big girls like you who have real friends and go to school don't have imaginary friends any more. They are grown up. They will think you are a baby talking to imaginary friends”. So Hope stopped talking out loud to her imaginary friends and now whispered to them in her head instead. But they were still there. And they were still real. Very real. Just there at the edge of seeing.

“Why were Mummy's friends who lived in her phone real, so real that she is always talking to them, or texting them – whatever that is – or taking photos with her phone and posting them – what ever that is – but mine are imaginary, when I know they are real and here and now?” thought Hope, just catching a glimpse of Skally, the naughtiest of them, scuttling under the hedge at the side of the path. At least I can almost see mine. And when I am alone and quiet, they come and play.

Just beyond the end of the path the fairy godmothers were doing yoga. Hope was sure they were fairy godmothers because they always gave her presents – little ones – sweets or chocolate mostly. As for yoga, that seemed to be twisting the body into odd postures and then complaining afterwards about how uncomfortable it was. But twisting the body was just so easy, thought Hope, pushing her skipping rope into mommy's pocket, and doing some cartwheels.

The fairy godmothers stopped doing their yoga, and one of them came over to talk to mummy, or, not exactly talk, but stand close by, staring at her phone and saying the odd word or two.

Looking at Hope she said “Do some more cartwheels so I can take a clip of you to share”. Hope shrugged and slumped down.

“Go on Hope” said Mummy. “Get up and do some more.”

Hope did her best smile that said “I'm sweet, but I am not going to do what you say”. Cocking her head to one side.

Mummy's phone rang. Then the other woman's phone went ting, and they were both lost in their phone world, talking, texting, sharing.

“Good – they're not noticing me any more.” thought Hope.

She smiled at the bottom of the hedge where she could see Skally making faces at Mummy and the woman; poking her tongue out and thumbing her nose, before stopping for a moment to pick a bit out of her nose, and flicking it at Mummy.

“And my friends are not real?” thought Hope!

Skally waved to her, and ran towards the bank where you could go roly-poly all the way down. Hope jumped up and followed. Soon they were both head over heels rolling down the bank. Mummy was still talking on her phone and the fairy godmother was staring at hers and swiping it every now and then.

At least my friends play roly-poly thought Hope. Their friends stuck in the phone world just seem so dull – they never do anything. Mummy and the fairy godmothers only ever seem to stand around staring at their phones – or talking into them.

“I wish I had a wish” Hope thought. “I wish the phones would stop”.

So she thought harder and harder and harder.

Suddenly Mummy and the fair godmother started shaking their phones and pressing bits of them. Bewildered they stared round as if surprised to find themselves where they were. The looked lost and confused.

“Good” thought Hope.

“Well done Skally” she said. “That'll teach them.”

Brexit and the posibility of a Celtic Federation.

My deepest hope is that somehow we can salvage our UK membership of the EU before it is too late – but that is a faint hope that wants to reverse what has been done. If we are catapulting the UK out of the EU, then it may be time to radically reconfigure the shattered remnants.
It looks almost certain that Scotland will go for independence if Brexit goes through. Ulster will have to reconsider its relationships with both its immediate neighbours – The Republic of Ireland and Scotland – and consider its relationship with the less proximal, and perhaps a less sympathetic, England. For Ulster the greatest fears must be a re-eruption of sectarian violence.
The Republic of Ireland is also going to be greatly affected, especially over the matter of the border, and over the existing rights of so many UK residents to claim Irish nationality. Their passport office is already being swamped with applications. Brexit can only have a massively detrimental effect on the Republic, on its economy and on its people.
As for Wales, the prospect of being welded to a permanently 'Tory' England, ruled from Westminster by a London-centric elite is just horrendous. What may be good economic sense for 'Londonshire' has already proven to be economic poison to Wales: it can only get much, much, worse post Brexit.
It was interesting to note in the Referendum results that those areas which are strongly Welsh speaking voted to remain, even though they suffer much of the same problems of economic distress as the English speaking areas that voted to leave. I am tempted to wonder if their Welsh speaking protected them from the distortions of truth so virulently spread by the English tabloid press? They do not seem so infected by the collective xenophobia engendered by the year-in, year-out, streams of hate filled and fear inducing headlines: as the English tabloid press sowed, so have we reaped.
It is quite likely that whatever consensus is reached in Wales would likely be undermined by an ideologically opposed Westminster, which, holding the financial whip-hand, could enforce compliance with its wishes. We have already witnessed an effective undermining of the Welsh Assembly and Government over the last few years. One wonders how long it would be before a Tory dominated Westminster sought the dissolution of the Welsh Assembly? I cannot see it being tolerated for too long, unless it is emasculated and turned into branch office of Westminster PLC, doing exactly as it is bidden.
Having learned to its cost the price it has had to pay for having set up the Scottish Parliament – that of Scottish independence – Westminster will not want to risk the same happening again. Ultimately, the Assembly would have to go, in the mean time it will be diminished. Consider how successive Tory governments have diminished local government, and replaced it with direct rule from Westminster – academisation of schools is only too clear an example – or substituted privatised agencies in its place. There is such a strong taste for ruling as opposed to governing by consent at Westminster: so much not the Welsh way.
Wales is distinct from England in a very fundamental way: it still understands the importance of community, of shared and collective provision, of mutual help and support. In a privatised England these ideas are dying very quickly: Brexit will amplify that difference.
Post-Brexit South East England will dominate whatever is left of the UK. It will be even more shaped by ultra-free market thinking. What its uber-rich clientele want they will get. It is likely to become the world's laundry shop for tainted money – or, as the Panama Papers revealed, to be more so, as it appears to fill that role already. It will form its policies to enhance that process. Those policies will be poison to Wales, which needs an entirely different approach to its economic progress.
As England grows more polarised between rich and poor, there will be more and more removal of employment rights and attacks on other rights – consider even now the Trade Union legislation currently in process in Westminster. The Tory threat to abandon the European Convention on Human Rights is not idle. That is what will happen, no matter how strongly Wales opposes it.
The breakup of the UK does offer one possible solution that would offer many benefits to the four Celtic nations: a Celtic Federation.
Scotland would benefit from uniting with the Republic of Ireland by thus becoming automatically once more part of the EU. It would also automatically become part of the Euro zone, thus avoiding it having to have to create a separate currency. This would provide considerable economic stability and immediate benefits for its trade with the rest of the EU. It would be sheltered from the speculative effects of the international currency markets, which can wreck such havoc on minor currencies.
Ulster would benefit by escaping from that age old tension between its two communities – the Ulster Scots and the Ulster Nationalists. The Ulster Scots would appreciate the union with Scotland which would preserve so many of their links, both to Scottish Protestantism and even to Rangers Football Club. Likewise, the Ulster Nationalists would appreciate the union with the Republic, with its Catholic heritage and traditions. It would also benefit from being in a currency union with Ireland and Scotland, its immediate neighbours, as well as enjoying the financial stability and trading advantages of being in the Euro zone. The links with Scotland would counterbalance the threat felt by the Protestant majority of being dominated by a Catholic Ireland; the links with Ireland would reassure the Catholic minority that they are not marginalised.
The Republic would benefit from having not having to re-create a border with Ulster; from having a stronger collective voice in the world and even more so in the EU. The end of the toxic division between Ulster and itself would be a final healing of the rift created by partition nearly a hundred years ago. It would bring so much right relationship.
Wales would benefit from being united with three other countries that share so much common heritage, very much a common progressive outlook on the world, and where it would be one amongst a group of almost equal partners. There would also be the advantages conferred by being in a currency union that offers such stability and trading opportunities.
Collectively, such a Celtic Federation, with a population in the region of fourteen million, would rank ninth in the EU by population, and thus would have a much stronger collective voice.
Constituted as a federation, each would be able to enjoy considerable home-rule, only collaborating on a federal level where there was obvious common need. Each would be able to preserve their very distinct cultures and traditions, without fear of being marginalised by the others.
As a constituent state in such a Federation, Wales would be among equals, and its say would have something like equal weight. Left tied to England, the mismatch in size would be only too apparent, and Wales's voice would be entirely dismissible, not simply demographically, but economically. Like an unfortunate poor relation, we would be confined to an annex and told to behave appreciatively, being grateful for the occasional handout or cast-off.
Wales shares many of the same economic problems as the other Celtic countries, and as such, would benefit enormously from economic policies shaped to address those types of problem.
We have not yet reached the event horizon that will actually carry the UK out of the EU, although we are close to it, but we are, unless something dramatic happens, bound in that direction. If and when we are plunged over that edge, there needs to be a clear vision of what alternatives may suit Wales best: the Celtic Federation is one.

The Forest

There was a prince – good fairy tales always start that way, because each of us is a prince or princess in hiding – we just need to find that glass slipper, or to be kissed awake from our perpetual slumber, or to pull a sword from a stone, or to be discovered because of a birth mark, or – I could go on but the list is endless, and sometimes involves monks trekking across high deserts and wind swept plains for years – suffice it to say our prince had all he could desire: a fine palace, wonderful clothes, a bed so soft that it wrapped him in sleep and gave him wonderful dreams the moment his head touched the pillows – but something deep inside him yearned to have something so wonderful that he would fall down enraptured by its presence.

He had seen the way that the people of his lands fell down and worshipped the golden statues of their gods, but for him they were just another thing made of gold, and he had plenty of those. There was a chapel of the gods stuffed with them somewhere in the palace, but looking at them did not make him want to fall down. They did not fill him with awe and wonder. He wanted to discover something so incredible that it would utterly entrance him. Something he could worship just like his people worshipped – something utterly transporting. He had seen his people and the way they were visibly moved. He has seen their states of religious ecstasy. They possessed something in those moments that no prince could buy, that no craftsman could shape, no king could command – AND HE WANTED IT.

He took leave of his people that spring and set off into the vast forest in search of he knew not what, he simply knew how it would make him feel when he found it. He knew it would be the most wondrous thing in the world. Something truly worth worshipping. In time he came to a clearing, and saw a wonderful bird in the most beautiful plumage. It danced and sang and entranced him completely.

“This is it. I have found it” he thought. “That is the most wondrous thing in the world that I can truly worship.”

He captured the bird and brought it back to his palace. He had it placed in a golden cage. Each day he came and sat enraptured by it, and each day he felt wonderfully moved by the sight and sound of it. This was the bird that took him to paradise.

Then one day he came and the bird's plumage had fallen off, and there in the golden cage it stood, a dull brown ordinary bird.

“Let the darn thing go” he commanded. “Turn it out of my palace, I do not want to see it ever again. I want the most wonderful thing in the world, and that – that drab, dull, scraggy bird is not even fit to grace my table.”

Once more he set off into the forest to find the most wondrous thing in the world. It was now summer and the days were hot and long. In time he came to a clearing and fluttering across it was a wonderful butterfly. It colours were so iridescent that that he was enraptured by it.

“Ah, now, this it is it” he thought. “That is the most wondrous thing in the world that I can truly worship.”

He captured the butterfly and brought it back to his palace, but when he opened the box it was fluttering its last – it was still beautiful, but no longer did it capture his heart. He did not feel awe and wonder in its presence.

The prince had it pinned to a board and the board mounted in a frame so that he could remember the enchantment he had felt when he had first seen it – but it just made him feel sad looking at its still form, so he set off into the forest once more.

By now it was autumn. In time he came to a clearing. In its middle stood the most magnificent stag with a wonderful head of antlers. The prince was enraptured. He felt awe in its presence.

“This is truly the most wondrous thing in the world that I can worship” he thought.

He captured the stag and took it back to his palace. There he kept it in a special enclosure. He came each day a sat looking at it in awe. This was truly the most wondrous thing in the world. At last he had found something that was truly worth worshipping.

Then one day he came to see his most wonderful stag, but its antlers were skew, and then one fell off. The poor creature's coat had become dull and matted, and blood trickled down its head from where the antler had snapped, leaving a sore, seeping stump.

“This pathetic looking animal is not worth worshipping” he cried. “Take it away. Drive it out of my lands. I never want to see it again.”

So once more he set off into the forest even though it was now winter. In time he came to a clearing that glistened and glittered with frost. Once more he was completely enraptured.

Noting a cave that overlooked the clearing he set up camp there and remained, enwrapped as the seasons passed and each day the forest produced a new wonders. Time past and he even forgot he was a prince for now he understood that it was the forest itself that produced all the wonders – and he didn't wish to miss a day of it.

Now another prince sits on his throne, but he too is becoming dissatisfied by all that lifeless gold.

Open letter to my MP re-Brexit: 14 Jan '19

Dear Mr Crabb

Thank you for your email stating your intention to oppose a non-deal Brexit. Considering the catastrophic nature of such an event I am please that you intend to insure that it does not happen. It is a shame that such vast sums of money are being poured into preparations for such an outcome, especially when it is considered how much better the sums could be spent on areas of real need. I am sure you are only too aware of such needs in your own constituency, which rates as one of the poorest regions in Europe. 

I understand your belief that you must support the process of trying to leave the EU because of the way in which a relative majority of your constituents voted, however, it was not an absolute majority of your electorate, which itself must be something of a democratic problem. The dictum that from nothing nothing can be assumed, must apply to the opinion of all of those who did not vote, including whether they were indifferent to the result. Nationally the swing vote was only somewhere in the order of 680,000, far too fine a margin to place such confidence in proceeding either way. This is exactly why mature democracies insist on super-majorities. It is true that a huge number of people voted in favour of leaving, but it is also true that an almost equally huge number voted in favour of remaining. 

Subsequent revelations about the referendum must lead to some doubt as to the validity of the result. There is a considerable body of legal opinion that had it been anything other than an advisory referendum it would have been declared void in the light of the discovered misconduct and the associated crimes committed. When that is compounded by very real questions, as yet unanswered, about the scope and extent of foreign interference, including the source of much of the funding, then the only reasonable conclusion is that it cannot be a safe basis on which to proceed. 

There is also the question of the inbuilt bias caused by narrowing of the electorate to exclude significant groups who are profoundly affected by the outcome. It can also be questioned whether the chosen date did not also bias the result. The late June date undoubtedly suppressed the student vote. 

Consideration also need to be given to the demographic distribution of the vote. It is deeply ironic, and sad, that by the time the process of leaving is finally accomplished, the population will be composed of a majority who voted to remain. This has to be a little crazy. 

Given the unsatisfactory nature of the referendum I hope that you will feel that you need to reconsider your support for leaving, especially in the event of the rejection by Parliament of Mrs May's deal. 

In that event you might consider supporting the so-called Norway plus proposal. That might have a broad spectrum of support, as it could garner support from both those who are not massively committed either way, the so-called soft-Brexit supporter, and the so-called sceptical or soft-remainers. It could be tolerated - although, I suspect, not loved - by both groups, and would better reflect the 52-48 spit recorded by the referendum. Such a proposal would require that we have full membership of both the Single Market and of the Customs Union. This can only be to the economic, social and cultural good of the country. I have yet to encounter any argument that convincingly suggests otherwise. You must already be aware that we are teetering on the edge of a Brexit fuelled recession. The amount of business lost to this country is already many times greater than the cost of EU membership for the next half-century. Already business are closing or relocating out of the UK, investment is leaving, as are key personnel. The success of a policy can be judged by observing the flows and those flows are all against Brexit. That is a remarkable achievement for any government. Norway plus should at least staunch those flows and stabilise Britain's future. 

Norway plus would also have the great advantage of requiring the continuation of the four free movements: goods, capital, services and people. Those four are essential components of ensuring the vitality of our economy and of our society. Freedom of movement of people is especially vital to so many individuals, businesses, organisations and institutions. It is the fluidity that it confers which allows for the optimisation of opportunities. It is such a mistake to see it in in terms of migration. It is much more fruitful to see it in terms of the fluidity to follow opportunities, to form networks and interconnections, and to expand prospects. Closing down the freedom of movement is one of the most damaging proposal possible. It is the jewel in the crown of the Single Market. Its loss will necessarily entail economic, social and cultural  diminution.

 

I cannot understand how you can support the loss of rights of your constituents. It is indefensible that you would support the greatest loss of rights in modern times. I object very strongly to my EU rights being stripped from me. You have yet to reply to me explaining how I might benefit from this and how you can defend doing this to me and your other constituents. 

In the event of the government's proposed deal being rejected you are going to have to be part of the process of finding a solution. That is a duty you must discharge honourably. It may require of you to act courageously and imaginatively.  The defeat of the government's proposed deal would mean that you have discharged your perceived duty to support the process as far as it can go, and now must be at liberty to say to your constituents the truth - that leaving cannot be done without real harm.

Yours

An open letter to our esteemed MPs and the Members of the House of Lords

Now that authority in the matter of Brexit has been returned to Parliament – it is a shame that it was ever considered even for a moment that it should rest elsewhere – I am appealing to you to use the power vested in you to amend or reject this legislation. 

 

I am sure you are conscious of both how marginal and how problematic the referendum was. A majority of just 1.8% is, to say the least, highly marginal and reveals a deeply divided electorate: leaving the EU alienates just about half of the electorate – remaining in the EU also alienates just about half of the electorate. The UK is clearly bitterly divided. 

 

However, we are now in the aftermath of the vote and are having to live with its consequences. Unfortunately, what was not clear from the referendum was exactly what it was that “Leave” entailed. Did it mean dissociation from the political institutions of the EU – as suggested by the “Take back Control” rhetoric – or discontinuing the economic and social integration with the rest of Europe? Whilst the former may be understandable, the latter will prove very damaging: something that cannot be in the interests of any of your constituents. 

 

It must be doubted if there is overwhelming support for the extreme separation from Europe that seems to be proposed by the rejection of both the single market and of the customs union. 

 

I am concerned in particular, with the ramifications of potential loss of free movement. For so many modern businesses, it is not the movements of goods, but the accompanying provision of services that is the essence of trade. A provision that relies critically on free movement. 

 

Consider, for instance, the case which I know of an award winning designer of moulding machines working for a multinational leader in the field. It is not simply the design and manufacture of the machines, but their integration into the production facilities, their precise calibration, and the routine and other maintenance which is the actual product package sold; along with the ability to adapt and redesign the machines on demand, often in situ. His company supply this service throughout the EU, and consequently their staff must have free movement. They are far from unique in having such a requirement. Loss of free movement will simply lead to the business's relocation elsewhere in the EU, with the consequent loss of UK jobs. 

 

Consider also the case of someone I know who works for a major surgical device manufacturer. They are responsible for installing the equipment into operating theatres and then training the surgeons in its use. This including being on call to attend operations, especially where the cases are complex or novel. This she does throughout the length and breadth of the EU. Again, freedom of movement is critical.

Or consider the case of someone who has built their own international business. She employs staff and freelance workers throughout the EU to carry out market research. Several of her major customers are based outside the UK – in the Netherlands and Switzerland in particular. She cannot operate her business without freedom of movement, and without the freedom to employ native speakers of languages in which the research is to be carried out. Again, freedom of movement is critical, both for her to operate her business, and for her staff and freelancers. 

 

There is every reason to suppose that these three cases are typical of modern business. Free movement is an integral part of their success. Such is the nature of our modern skills based economy. It is the work of such business which are the drivers of our economy. Modern trade is no longer as simple as selling boxes of oranges. 

 

Freedom of movement is freedom to do business.

There is also a deep human rights issue here. I resent very greatly the threat of removal of the right of free movement from myself, from my children and from my grandchildren. I do not see why accident of birth should compel us to either be confined to the UK, or to have to seek permission from officialdom in order to do otherwise. The EU has restored to us the liberty that our Victorian ancestors took for granted – that of being able to travel, reside, work or trade anywhere in Europe as circumstances or inclination dictated.

This threatens to be the greatest loss of liberty in a century.

I am also concerned about the plight of EU nationals resident here. These people came to Britain in good faith and have invested their lives here, often to the betterment of us all. They should be given immediate assurance as to their unquestioned right to remain and to be allowed to fully participate in our society. To do anything less is a betrayal of their good faith. They should be allowed to go about their lives and continue to enjoy their freedom of movement, just as they do now. 

 

It is only by being an open and welcoming society that we can truly flourish.

I am also saddened by the rise in hate-crimes since the referendum. This is a dark consequence of the Brexit vote. There is an awareness by the police that historically only a fraction of incidents that occur are actually reported. Due to the alienation and insecurity felt by some communities as a result of the vote, and of the accompanying anti-immigrant rhetoric in our press, there is now even less likelihood of their being reported. The police are becoming distrusted as being potential agents of coercion and expulsion in a post Brexit Britain. Threatening to end the freedom of movement or the rights of residence can only make all this so much worse.

In the case the constituency where I live (Peseli Pembrokeshire), it is not immigration but emigration which is the concern. Whatever the fears of the public engendered by some parts of our media, retaining young people and finding suitable employment for them is a far greater issue. 

 

Restricting EU freedom of movement may only serve to leave Wales short of highly skilled and qualified personnel in very specific fields, especially in our health service. It will also serve our universities very badly. At worst, the combined social and economic effects will impact very negatively on Wales, threatening to turn it into a wasteland created in an effort to placate the xenophobic fears of England.

I appeal to you to add such amendments to the current bills as will address the above issues and to ensure that full parliamentary oversight of the process is maintained, including the provision that either Parliament, and, or, the people, will have the final say over accepting or rejecting any resultant agreement made with the EU.

Yours sincerely,

D.Lockyer

The seven key problems we face

First, and above all else, is climate change. Compared to that, none of the others are in the same league. If we do not get this one right, then there is no future – simple as. This fact may not sink into people's heads, but this will not go away; and it has to be tackled collectively and globally. There is no hiding place from it, and there is no opt out from it. So that is why it is number one.

Second is, and very much because of the first, the need for conservation. The conservation of environments, of the eco-systems in them and of the richness of those systems. We are already witnessing a mass-extinction which we ourselves have triggered. If we try very hard, we may stop it getting worse, and perhaps, only perhaps, reverse it. 

The third key problem is the need for sustainability in the light of finite resources. We need to conserve them because once they are gone, they are gone. We need to build sustainability into all that we do. We need to build in resilience into our life styles. We need to make our lives low impact. 

The fourth key problem is globalisation. It is just the one world, and, with modern communications, that is a very small world. Nowhere much is more than twenty-four hours away from anywhere else. Almost everywhere can be contacted instantly. This is one deeply interwoven world. It is the first time in history that the whole planet has been interconnected and interacting. We need to learn how to live with that. Just now in Britain I think we are failing in this – we are erecting barriers, as if we want the rest of the world to go away – which of course it won't. 

The fifth key problem is automation. The impact on jobs is already considerable. It will get worse. As long as we tie income directly to work for the mass of people, then the vanishing of work will create mass poverty. Already our younger people are poorer than the previous generation. This is the first time that has happened for perhaps two hundred years. When large parts of the population are redundant, then what? 

The sixth key problem is inclusion. We cannot have a world where only some – perhaps only a few – enjoy an extravagant life, and where the rest are slowly pauperised – but that is the prospect. A basic economic truth is that we need a balance between consumption and production, between productive work and meaningful life-styles, between consumers and producers. Inclusion is about power and about sharing, about having a say and being listened to; about who benefits from the bounty produced by our amazing technologies; about the balance between communal and private assets. 

And the final key problem is alienation. The less we include, the more we alienate. We need to think carefully about modern life and how it can be enriched, about how well-being can be increased, how life can be made more fulfilling. In this the notion of the Gross National Happiness – as they have in Bhutan – must play an increasing role. Wealth, beyond the point where primary needs are fully met, adds very little: it is a diminishing return. Meaningful occupation, the esteem of others, a sense of community, a sense of purpose – these are what enriches lives and guards against alienation. The alienated turn on the societies that have excluded them, and, ultimately, we all pay the price for that.

Every cloud has a silver lining

Have they any idea what they are asking? I mean – a silver lining to every cloud?

Yeh – I know. Like they don't have to fit them do they.

Nope – just leave it to the usual fools. Oh, It's ok. We can do it. That is so much their slogan – but who has to do it – that's what I ask. As if we don't know!

Yeh – now stop moaning and give us a hand with this one.

I don't know, floating around up hear fitting all these clouds. Why can't they just let them be – you know – like they is. None of this fitting on silver linings. Must cost a fortune.

Size 15c I think.

What?

Size 15c, I said.

Oh OK – nope hang on – we're clean out.

Damn!

Careful – don't let Y-K-W hear.

Oh – he's too up his own to be listening.

Yeh – usually – but you never know do you. Might just pull another sneaky like he did with that other crew.

Yeh – but they were really asking for it. What with thinking He was out and all, and that jackass going and sitting on His throne and pretending. He were only mucking around I heard. Not like he really meant it – and then zap! Thunderbolt everywhere. Fried them good and proper.

I know – like that He is. Misses comes down on him for something and the moment He gets back SOMEONE”S GOT TO PAY.

Poor SOMEONE

Yeh – bad choice of name that. Bet his mother never saw that coming. Bet she thought “That's a nice name”.

Well – no-one had used it before – well not as a name that is.

I know.

And it was different.

I know.

But then He goes and invents a language and sticks that word in.

Yeh – poor SOMEONE! There he was with a unique name, and, whoops, Y-K-W had just shoved it into some language or other, and then makes that the official language of up here.

Not as bad as some of the guys!

I know.

Poor Coal-Scuttle!

Yeh!

And what about Piss-Take?

I know.

And Shit-Face!

Yep!

Still, you didn't do too badly, did you Aftershave?

Nope. Neither did you Sunset.

Keeps me smiling.

Which you've got to do when you'r up here, cloud fitting, 'cos there's not much hold you up.

True.

So – what about this bugger – no 15cs. S'pose we could bend a 257A to make it fit.

Yeh – but you know Y-K-W doesn't like shoddy work.

Well – he can damn well see that there's enough 15cs then!

Yeh – but like it's supposed to be the recycling mob's job to see that there's plenty of retreads for us to use.

Anyway – why do them humans need silver linings?

Think they'd just realise what a short deal they've got if there weren't. As it is, no matter how shitty it is they can look up and say “Every Cloud's got a silver lining” - and so long as that's true they feel OK. So we've got to keep it true, so it is OK.

But silver – I ask you!

I know!

Just don't they think how hard it is getting it to stay up here!

I know.

Heard talk as how design department got ideas of making it a silver spray on.

Well that would be easier – but wouldn't that be cheating them down there? Like, if it's not real silver?

Be a hell of a lot easier for us!

Yep – one quick squirt and then your done. None of this careful fitting. And Y-K-W want it all done neat and tight, so you better look out, 'cause if you don't and He decides to do a spot check, then – Zap.

Yeh – trellah trellah and squirt squirt. Happy times!

Nah! They'l never do it. It will still be us up here with 15 tonne length of the real McCoy, fitting them close on every last cloud that stupid puff dragon blows out, keeping them down there in illusion-ville.

If only they knew!